When the Past Follows us to Work
Some people can ask a question in a meeting without a second thought, while others rehearse it, scan the room, and decide to stay silent.
That hesitation can have many causes. For some, past experiences have taught them to expect criticism, dismissal, or conflict when they speak up. A workplace interaction that seems small to someone else may feel much bigger to them.
As a therapist, I have seen how experiences of trauma and chronic stress can shape what we come to expect from relationships. We may overprepare to avoid criticism, hesitate to set a boundary, or read a delayed response as a sign that something is wrong. These patterns can follow us into work, even when we are capable, committed, and successful.
When The Past Meets The Present
Imagine a supervisor saying, “Can we talk later?” One person might assume it is a routine conversation. Another may spend hours wondering whether they have done something wrong. A past experience may be part of that response. The current workplace matters, too: if feedback has been unpredictable or mistakes have been met with embarrassment, the concern may be based on what is happening now.
That is the connection I want us to think about. Past trauma can affect how safe it feels to use our voice, while the conditions around us shape what happens when we do. A workplace can build trust through respect and consistent follow-through. It can also create new harm through humiliation, bullying, or retaliation. We need to pay attention to both the person’s experience and the workplace’s responsibility.
There is a personal question here: What do I need in order to feel safe enough to be honest, make a decision, or ask for support? For professional women navigating change, that question may lead to a deeper look at confidence, boundaries, and the ways we have learned to protect ourselves.
It can help to ask a second question: Is my response coming from something I learned in the past, something happening here, or both? That reflection is not about blaming ourselves for feeling uneasy. It can help us see more clearly what support, boundaries, or changes we need.
What Safety Looks Like at Work
There is also a question for leaders: What happens when someone raises a concern, admits a mistake, or disagrees with you? Psychological safety grows when people can do those things without fear of humiliation or retaliation. No employee should have to share their trauma history to be treated with respect.
Saying “My door is always open” is a beginning. People learn whether it is safe by what happens after they walk through it.
That means listening without immediately becoming defensive. It means giving feedback without shaming someone, explaining decisions when you can, and taking concerns seriously even when they are uncomfortable to hear. It also means addressing bullying or retaliation rather than asking people to become more resilient to it. These actions do not erase anyone’s past, but they can reduce avoidable harm in the present.
Safety is built in relationships and in systems. For each of us, there may be work to do in recognizing old patterns and finding our voice. For organizations, there is work to do in making sure that voice is met with respect. Both matter.
What is one response from a leader or colleague that helps people feel safer speaking up? I would value your perspective. There is no need to share anyone’s personal history.
I support professional women seeking greater clarity and confidence through coaching, and I work with organizations on psychological safety and workplace wellness conversations. If either speaks to what you are navigating, I welcome a conversation. Learn more at and psychological safety
The Vibrant Perspective | Dr. Fazeeda Rahman, PhD, LCSW